After Abusive Marriage Can I trust Again?
Love my kids, hate their abusive father
To find love again
ENJOY!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Have a husband or wife who won't divorce you?
I've been married for 12 1/2 years to a sociopathic,narcissist. I don't label him to be funny, I've told his story to several professionals, because he'd never agree to see one, and they've consistently diagnosed him in this fashion.
He controlled almost every move I made, without actually telling me to do it. The minipulative jerk is witty and smart when it comes to him getting his own way. And not only that but he somehow turns it around to by MY fault. And the sad part is, most of the time I'd believe him!
We have three children together; 11 year old daughter, 10 year old son, and 1 year old son (he was an oops) who I love more than life itself. Hubby on the other hand, loves himself more than anyone in the universe! Everything centers around what HE wants, how he wants it, and when he wants it. Our children have definitely suffered through this.
There were times in the past when he would be using drugs and he actually paid my 8 year old daughter (at the time) to take pictures of me with a cellphone if I was on the internet. He didn't want me talking to anyone, not even strangers online. He told me to choose between him and our kids, or my family and the internet. Yeah right, asshole!
At one point he even managed to get temporary custody of our kids when I had taken them during one of his drug snits. Because I wouldn't tell him where we were, he automatically got the temp custody because I wasn't there to defend myself.
I quietly and intelligently figured out what to do. I had to sweet-talk my way back to living at the house with him and the kids, make him believe I wanted to stay with him, and journal everything he did for three months. Those 72 hand-written documents saved my children! The same judge that gave him the prior custody, rebutted his decision and allowed ME the custody back and not only that, gave us permission to move out of town.
Since this incident, he's since gained my trust again. Although I never dropped the legal separation, after our baby was born, I took a break from the divorce. I've been living on my own, with the three kids, for a year now. But about 5 months ago, after hubby lost our house, on purpose to foreclosure (so that I wouldn't receive a dime), he needed a place to go. I told him that he couldn't stay with me for more than two weeks because it's in my lease and after that they can kick me out. Not only that but I was getting food assistance and if they knew he was living with me, that would be welfare fraud. I told him several times, over and over, reminded him what trouble he could be causing, but he sat idle. Ignored me and did more drugs.
Finally I got the police involved about a week ago now, and he's living with his parents, thank God. But he still hasn't received the divorce papers from me yet, asking for custody of the kids, and only three hours of time with our 1 year old. He's going to freak.
He also got fired from his job last week, after being there 9 years, only because then I'd lose the child support and have nothing. So we'll see how that goes. I go to the county again tomorrow.
Anyway, his family has the money to fight the custody, but I'm using legal aid and it's crappy. They've been a big help but they refuse to listen, and you can't dump your attorney no matter what, or they won't help you at all. But I'll keep ya posted!
Hugs,
Jamie
p.s. Tell me YOUR story!
He controlled almost every move I made, without actually telling me to do it. The minipulative jerk is witty and smart when it comes to him getting his own way. And not only that but he somehow turns it around to by MY fault. And the sad part is, most of the time I'd believe him!
We have three children together; 11 year old daughter, 10 year old son, and 1 year old son (he was an oops) who I love more than life itself. Hubby on the other hand, loves himself more than anyone in the universe! Everything centers around what HE wants, how he wants it, and when he wants it. Our children have definitely suffered through this.
There were times in the past when he would be using drugs and he actually paid my 8 year old daughter (at the time) to take pictures of me with a cellphone if I was on the internet. He didn't want me talking to anyone, not even strangers online. He told me to choose between him and our kids, or my family and the internet. Yeah right, asshole!
At one point he even managed to get temporary custody of our kids when I had taken them during one of his drug snits. Because I wouldn't tell him where we were, he automatically got the temp custody because I wasn't there to defend myself.
I quietly and intelligently figured out what to do. I had to sweet-talk my way back to living at the house with him and the kids, make him believe I wanted to stay with him, and journal everything he did for three months. Those 72 hand-written documents saved my children! The same judge that gave him the prior custody, rebutted his decision and allowed ME the custody back and not only that, gave us permission to move out of town.
Since this incident, he's since gained my trust again. Although I never dropped the legal separation, after our baby was born, I took a break from the divorce. I've been living on my own, with the three kids, for a year now. But about 5 months ago, after hubby lost our house, on purpose to foreclosure (so that I wouldn't receive a dime), he needed a place to go. I told him that he couldn't stay with me for more than two weeks because it's in my lease and after that they can kick me out. Not only that but I was getting food assistance and if they knew he was living with me, that would be welfare fraud. I told him several times, over and over, reminded him what trouble he could be causing, but he sat idle. Ignored me and did more drugs.
Finally I got the police involved about a week ago now, and he's living with his parents, thank God. But he still hasn't received the divorce papers from me yet, asking for custody of the kids, and only three hours of time with our 1 year old. He's going to freak.
He also got fired from his job last week, after being there 9 years, only because then I'd lose the child support and have nothing. So we'll see how that goes. I go to the county again tomorrow.
Anyway, his family has the money to fight the custody, but I'm using legal aid and it's crappy. They've been a big help but they refuse to listen, and you can't dump your attorney no matter what, or they won't help you at all. But I'll keep ya posted!
Hugs,
Jamie
p.s. Tell me YOUR story!
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